Say What You Need To Say

Have you ever felt like you have so much you want to say to someone, but can’t seem to find the words to say, or the way to say it effectively? You’re definitely not alone. Feelings are overwhelming and confusing sometimes and they can be very hard to express, especially when it feels really important to you. Your voice deserves to be heard and respected, and we want to help.

It can be nice to have a structure to formulate the sentences you want to say to someone, kind of like a script– so we have provided a helpful fill-in-the-blank sentence to serve as a beneficial tool for you. This can first and foremost help you understand how you feel impacted and what you want to be changed/different/improved about the situation, but it can also serve as a guide for saying what you need to express and ultimately communicate what’s on your mind and in your heart.

When you ___ I feel ___ because ___ and I would like/need ___.

The first part of “When you __” helps you state the situation you want to address and set the topic of conversation. (Example: When you raise your voice at me…)

The second part of “I feel __” allows you to share how you were impacted by the situation, and to express the different emotions this brought up for you. (Example: …I feel scared, frustrated, and shaky…)

The third part of “because __” gives you the opportunity to share your side and have the other person be in your shoes to understand why you feel the way you feel and understand your perspective better. (Example: …because it reminds me of when my dad would yell at me and hit me when I was little…)

And lastly the final part of “and I would like/need__” starts the conversation of how you want things to be different or improved after this conversation and what you need from them to feel better about this situation moving forward. You can also take ownership of what you would like to do differently on your part as well if needed. (Example: …and I would like for you to be mindful of your tone and for us both to take some alone time before finishing hard conversations instead of yelling at each other.)

Put it all together in a sentence to say out loud or text it to someone– Example: When you raise your voice at me, I feel scared, frustrated, and shaky because it reminds me of when my dad would yell at me and hit me when I was little, and I would like for you to be mindful of your tone and for us both to take some alone time before finishing hard conversations instead of yelling at each other.

Think about the most recent time you experienced a hardship in one of your friendships, relationships, or within your family. How did you feel in that situation? What are the reasons those feelings came up for you? What can you take ownership of/responsibility for? What do you need from the other person to grow together in the relationship?

Take a moment and write out your own sentence with this fill-in-the-blank tool to help you have an open conversation to communicate your perspective effectively. Best of luck– remember, your voice deserves to be heard and respected!